RAVINGS!!!!!

A bitterseet summer....

Thu, 23 Jul 2009 18:37:47 GMT

Well here I am on my birthday at Books A Million (not working...)

This summer has be both fruitful as well as upsetting....

I got a job. Turned 19. Had a family reunion.

However all the good was immediately drowned when I received the letter telling me that I was Academically Suspended... even worse was the fact that I could appeal the suspension. The date of the appeal was June 3rd... I got the letter in July...

So I'm out of school for a YEAR!!!

Without Internet at my house....

This is going to be a VERY LONG YEAR.....

HOLY MOTHER OF ALL THAT IS FURRY!!!!

Mon, 13 Apr 2009 04:03:49 GMT

JUST GOT FINISHED WATCHING AN EPISODE OF WEIRD, TR UE & FREAKY OR SOMETHING LIKE THAT.... IT WAS ALL ABOUT HUMANIMALS A.K. A. FURRIES!!!!!! I CAN COMPLETELY OVERLOOK THE TITLE ONLY FOR THE FACT THAT THEY HAVE INTRODUCED ME TO ENLIGHTENMENT!!!!!

FUUUUUUUUUUUCKKKKKK!!!!!!!! MY LIFE IS COMPLETE!!!!!!

THE TATTOOS AND WORK PUT INTO FURRE SUITS WERE ENOUGH TO MAKE ME FOAM AT THE MOUTH WITH EXCITEMENT....

BUT WHAT TRULY HAS ME OVERJOYED IS WOLF!!!!! A GUY WHO MAKES ANIMATRONIC COSTUMES!!! THAT MEANS OPERATIONAL TAILS AND EARS!!!!!

FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!!!!!!!!

IF HE TAKES COMMISSIONS........

LIFE IS SO GOOD RIGHT NOW......

FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!!!!!!!!

I NEED THIS SO BAD!!!!!!

Katsucon Schedule

Sat, 07 Feb 2009 00:25:07 GMT

Friday

2 pm Anime Let's make a Deal
6 pm Anime Celebrity Jeopardy
7 pm Japanamerica
8 pm Anime Music Videos
11 pm   Hardcore Yaoi: Yer Doin' It Wrong

Saturday
1 am    Dance
2 am    Kekko Kamen
             Guy: Double Target
11 am Japanese Street Fashion Show
12:30 pm Tales of Fandom
1 pm   So You Think You Can Voice Act?
4 pm   Funimation Industry Panel
10 pm The Yaoi-ing Game
11 pm The Valentine's Day Ball

Sunday

8:30 am Sorceror Hunters
11 am    Anime Dating Game

Some events are subject to change, but most are pretty set. There is a conflict of Tales of Fandom and So You Think You Can Voice Act? but I'll definitely have it figured out by the time Katsucon comes up. I intend to participate in The Yaoi-ing Game and more than anything... I INTEND TO WIIIIIIIINNNNNN!!!!!!

BRING IT BITCHES!!!!!!

I GOT THIS!!!!!

The Song of My Life

Sun, 01 Feb 2009 07:36:10 GMT

The song "In My Dreams" by REO Speedwagon accurately depicts situation I am currently in. For those who are unfamiliar with the song, I have decided to at least provide the lyrics so you have an idea:

There was a time some time ago
When every sunrise meant a sunny day, oh a sunny day
But now when the morning light shines in
It only disturbs the dreamland where I lay, oh where I lay
I used to thank the lord when I'd wake
For life and love and the golden sky above me
But now I pray the stars will go on shining, you see in my dreams you love me

Daybreak is a joyful time
Just listen to the songbird harmonies, oh the harmonies
But I wish the dawn would never come
I wish there was silence in the trees, oh the trees
If only I could stay asleep, at least I could pretend you're thinking of me
cause nighttime is the one time I am happy, you see in my dreams

Chorus:
We climb and climb and at the top we fly
Let the world go on below us, we are lost in time
And I dont know really what it means
All I know is that you love me, in my dreams

(solo)

I keep hopin one day I'll awaken, and somehow she'll be lying by my side
And as I wonder if the dawn is really breaking
She touches me and suddenly I'm alive

Chorus repeats 2x

Oho, in my dreams

It doesn't help that I told him today that I liked him and didn't get much of a response back. I am grateful that he didn't act awkward around me when I returned a few hours later to play D&D with the rest of the group.

Oh well ne? you can't win them all....

EMONESS TO THE EXTREME!!!!!

Tue, 27 Jan 2009 02:23:32 GMT

Story of my fucking life!!!! Two nights ago I spent the night in Adam's room and had the most wretched dream ever.

So just in case someone didn't know, I have a HUGE crush on Adam. And also I spend weekends in his room.

Well two nights ago, I dreamt that I was finally going to tell him that I liked him and just as I opened my mouth, he told me that he was going out with Anti-Anime Girl!!!

Ok so no big deal right? I wake up from that and feel a little bummed out.

After I calm myself down, I try to go back to sleep.

Well as if my mind is just begging for me to desire death, I have a continuation dream of all of my friends telling me that the reason that Adam wants NOTHING to do with me is because I fat (this seems to be a re-occurring theme in my emo dreams).

And to make things worse (in my dream) my friends all tell me that they don't really like me either for the same reason.

Waking up from that was HELL!!!

I was sleeping on the couch directly under Adam's bed and it was like 7 am so I pretty much sobbed quietly into the pillow until I couldn't contain myself any more and went to the bathroom.

To make things clear, I've never been like this for anyone....

Just so you can have an understanding of the situation I will provide more Pon and Zi pics that accurately portray how I feel when around him or am just thinking about him.

Every time I look at him, I just want to say it.

How he acts around me...

But I know he'd never take it....

I apologize for being so emo but I need to get it out.... I can barely stand to be around him but I also want to stay near him.

Soon to pass the days away

away from you my only one

forgotten words I've left to say

always easier said than done:

within my heart you'll always be

my all belongs to you

the future, I know, is not for me

so I wish she will stay true

keep with you this simple piece

so pained my soul if it were tossed

to keep your mind at ease and peace

and assure you of what you have not lost

my love for you will never die

my trust will stay unbroken

read of this poem with only a dry eye

as it is my feelings truthfully spoken

I'll never gain the courage to give it to him though....

FINALLY!!!!!!

Wed, 17 Dec 2008 17:47:27 GMT

After a year of waiting, The Scent of His Mate has been updated!!!!!

I have followed this fic for a long while and finally the end has emerged.

Such a bitter sweet emotion. Luckily it's a nice LONG fic chapter.

I'm still waiting on It's My Life, A Brilliance Tarnished and A Balm for Social Failure for updates.

Oh well, you can't have it all.

I shall be content with this miracle that has been given to me.

Thank you Bioxz!!!!!

My Genius!

Wed, 19 Nov 2008 18:17:17 GMT

Ok so at lunch today, Mike mentioned about where he wanted to get married. Sitting a few seats down from him, I heard what he said and being as opinionated as I am, decided to give my thoughts on the matter. lightokun was sitting across from me and heard me say that I never intended to get married.... ever.... and added his two cents worth which went a bit like "hopping from one love interest to the next" and then made an analogy that I can't remember at the moment (damn my memory span!) and I denied the analogy saying my intentions were more like the stock market: I have multiple shares in multiple stocks and other people can hold shares in the same stock as me and vice versa. AND that I can sell stock if need be.

All of this came to in a matter of seconds so I don't know if it's my own genius (more like insanity) or the fact that I took my medication last night and it focused my mind enough to have such a witty response....

But damn that was good....

Randomness... I'm going to kill Andrew Jasper Bunnell III if he doesn't quit kidnapping me on Facebook!!!!

SO anyway... Thanksgiving break is coming up and I'm looking forward to it as I'm going home with Lauren. I have no idea what we'll be doing, but it's going to be the first time I don't spend Thanksgiving with my family so it'll definitely be different from what I'm used to.

Oh yeah.... I did my homework for AST 101..... ALL OF IT!!! w00t!!!!

Waitin' on Life

Sat, 15 Nov 2008 20:15:20 GMT

I really need to do my tutoring for my Japanese 101 class, and the tutor I was scheduled to meet never showed. Kelly and I sat there in the first floor of Bridenbough for like10 minutes.

On a good note, Kelly has introduced me to the fourth floor of Bridenbough so now I know where I'll be doing my studying and typing without having the bustle fo the library and the possibility of freezing from my own comp.

I keep forgetting to set up my interview with Social Security for my back benefits... Mom called today to make sure I did that soon. Apparently, no one gets their monies until all of us have gone through the process... Story of my life. If I'm not waiting for someone, someone's waiting for me.

Had a nice long chat last night with my friend Paul. As it turns out, he's not anything like the profile I had come up with for him. Although, truth be told, I'm not the way I appear either. Now Paul knows that, and I think that we're better friends because of it.

I was watching a movie earlier today and when it was over I was like "Where the hell was this movie when Lowy-sensei was picking samurai movies?" This movie IS FYS-149 in a nutshell (with extra yaoi goodness).

God bless Aarinfantasy.com

I've been waiting for forever for the web master at Doki-Doki to get back to me... I want to try my hand at editing and I've finished the test and emailed.... she hasn't gotten back to me and it's been about a month now...

Current Fandoms of Interest: FF7, HP, Death Note, Inuyasha, and X-Men: Evo

Pairings: CidxVin, HP/DM, RaitoxL, IYxSess, and Todd/Kurt

FANFICS THAT NEED TO BE FUCKING UPDATED: A Balm for Social Failure, Brilliance Tarnished, and It's My Life

Yaoi Fanfics: All the crack I'll ever need!

I CAUGHT HIM!!!!

Sat, 18 Oct 2008 20:15:37 GMT

Last night, around 9, I won a hug from Adam!!!

Background Story:

Adam is always apathetic. To spice things up, I decided that I was going to continuously call his name until he acknowledged me and then proceed to tell him how much I loved him... That and at the time he was playing God in his lofted bed so I thought it was appropriate. Obviously he didn't think so. In retaliation to his rejection, I decided to steal God's pillows.... It was a hard battle, but I won in the end...

Aggravated at the loss, Adam decided to leave the room and go wander the hall.

I followed him.

And embraced him.

And prevented further movement.

Needless to say, Adam was not happy about that and tried to escape. He succeeded, however, I followed him again.

This time he walked into a trap.

Upon entering Lauren's room, I attached myself to him, clinging until he acknowledged me, while he was facing away from me.

I promised him that if he acknowledged me then I would let him go.*

He did and I, again, told him how much I loved him and asked for a hug.

He hugged me (slightly out of Blackmail, but nonetheless it was a hug).

I am TRIUMPHANT!!!!!!

----------------------------------

* Acknowledgement = "What?"

Total Mind Fuck...

Wed, 15 Oct 2008 03:52:20 GMT

I had the worst double mind fuck to ever happen in all of my life...

FIRST -- I discover that Matsuyama Ken'ichi (played L in the live-action Death Note movies) is only 5 years older than me (I'm 18). He seems older to me... Like maybe 25 or 26 Certainly not 23!!

SECOND -- I find out that Tatsuya Fujiwara (played Raito/Light/Kira in the live-action Death Note movies) is 2 years OLDER than Matsuyama Ken'ichi...

WHAT THE FUCK?!

Once again a mind fuck has occured.... Tatsuya Fujiwara was so into his part of Raito/Light/Kira that he didn't talk to Matsuyama Ken'ichi between filming....

I'm so in love right now.... WITH BOTH OF THEM!!!! I'M A TRAITOR!!!

FORGIVE ME MATSUYAMA KEN'ICHI!!!!

Pennsylvania Renaissance Faire Pics

Sun, 12 Oct 2008 22:43:51 GMT

AWESOMENESS!!!! scottish band played awesome music and told corny jokes

hilarous acrobat on stilts

The hippogryff ride

minus Desi
plus Mario

obviously credit cards have genders

Auntie Mike and Uncle Don

Desi and Mario

Cora and Me

LooneyLucy and Ploppy's Rated X Show (a total Riot)

LooneyLucy and Ploppy being X

Windsor Wives at the Mud Pit

crossdressing sisters

Desi and I at the Mud Pit
I got my mask about an hour before hand... gonna use it for the party in Nov.

Auntie Mike and I with Starfeet (idk why that's his name) after the Mud Pit

We stayed there the entire day and it was super awesome!! I am totally going back!!

Unrequited Love???

Mon, 29 Sep 2008 00:57:48 GMT

For a while now (since I met him) I've had a crush on a friend of mine. This is kinda new for me since I'm used to just being asked out and once we start to go out, I have a better liking for them. I think it's safe to say that I'm crushing hardcore on this guy, but I feel like I don't have a snowball's chance in hell with him. He's really funny and I get all gigglely-girly when I'm around him (which is TOTALLY not me). Ever since he kissed me when he was drunk one night, I've felt a little akward around him... I really like him, but he only seems to show any interest in me when he's drunk.

Take last night for example, Everything was going like normal (him pretty much ignoring the fact that I exist) until he hit his 3rd beer. From then on, he spoke to me... gave me this look that made me blush (of course by then I had just finished my second beer so it could've been just a regular look for all I know) and actually made physical contact with me (nothing sketchy just normal contact that would occur in everyday interaction between two normal people). I was overjoyed with this (even went so far as to get a hug) but I feel really guilty because I'd like there to be more between us and I know that on a regular basis that just isn't going to happen.

GAH!!! College sucks... if it wasn't for coming here, I wouldn't have this problem and then I would be feeling so depressed and stuffs... well I'm not really depressed... this is really a ninja post since he's right behind me playing on his own laptop as I'm typing this.

CURSE YOU NICOLAI!!!

I blame him with every fiber of my being...

On a happier note (though not really) It's My Life, A Brilliance Tarnished, and A Balm for Social Failure were all update this week and thus I have had an overdose of sexy fanfic-ness. Now I have to wait about a month for them to be updated again.... Oh the joys of addiction....

Howl's FUCKING Moving FUCK Castle!!!!!!

Sat, 27 Sep 2008 04:29:37 GMT

FUUUUUCK!!

What the hell?!!!!

WHY IS THIS MOVIE SO FUCKING GREAT?!!!

EVERYTHING ABOUT IT WAS WHAT EVERYONE WANTS THEIR LIFE TO BE LIKE!!!

HOWL WAS FUCKING GORGEOUS. SOPHIE WAS BEAUTIFUL.

FUUUUCK!!!

I'M SO HYPED AND SAD AND HAPPY AND A MILLION OTHER EMOTIONS RIGHT NOW...ITS SUPPOSED TO BE IMPOSSIBLE BUT IT'S HAPPENING RIGHT THE FUCK NOW!!!!!!

I WANT TO FUCKING CRY AND FALL IN LOVE RIGHT NOW!!!!!

VULNERABILITY!!!!!

HOWL'S FUCKING MOVING FUCK CASTLE IS THE EASIEST WAY TO HAVE BABIES!!!!

LAURA IS RIGHT HERE WITH ME AND SHE'S FEELING IT TOO!!!

THE WITCH OF THE WASTE IS HER FUCKING GRANDMA!!!

THE LOVE IS FULL TONIGHT!!!!

TEARS ARE ABUNDANT AND HAPPY-SAD!!!!!!

1000 Golden Flowers

Thu, 25 Sep 2008 20:40:19 GMT

Sengiku-sensei is beyond gorgeous and I am officially demanding his photobook!!! Not only is he candy for the eyes, but he smells positively heavenly!!! I'm seriously thinking of trying to get a job at the LRC just so I could see him everyday (as if I don't already) but also have CONTACT with him....

I've started to notice him whenever I see him... whether it's at a close distance or from far off... lol sketchy fangirl-ness.... Oh well... He's definitely worth it.

OMG!! Sengiku Takeshi -- his name screams gorgeous!!!!

NOTE TO SELF: find out his birthday....

Times when you really miss home...

Fri, 12 Sep 2008 20:17:31 GMT

This morning, I woke up at 5:oo AM from the worst dream possible: I had been kicked out of school because I was too fat.

I've always been self-concious about my weight so like some people, I try to joke about it to show that it doesn't bother me. It doesn't really help and, quite truthfully, I feel that it just makes me feel worse.

Last night was the first time I had ever had a dream that concerned my weight so directly...

In my dream, I was supposed to attend a ceremony for the college, but in order to do so I was supposed to be a certain weight. The ceremony determined whether or not I would remain in the college. I was in the far back of the line and I watched as girl after girl (I have no idea why there were no boys in the line) stepped up onto the scale then left the room (which resembled the empty ballroom of the college I attend).

It had finally come down to just me and my friend Jasmine (who is a little heavy set herself, but absolutely beautiful anyway). I went first. Or, at least, stepped up to the scale first. I was immediately turned down being told "You shouldn't even try, I can tell by just looking at you that you wouldn't qualify."

In truth, my feelings were hurt, but just as I do in reality, I nodded it off and left in the opposite direction of the other girls. I turned to see if Jasmine had made it and smiled when I saw that she did, waving to her as she left. Internally, I felt crushed as I had been hoping (as horrible as it sounds) that Jasmine, too, would be turned down.

I continued to leave the building, finding girls, like me, who had been turned down... though unlike me as they weighed far less than me. I had no one I could really relate to so I just sat in the shadows, catching bits and peices from their conversations. They cried about how they were so fat and similar things to that nature that it made me want to think harder about myself: if they were considered fat, then what was I?

Morbidly obese?

It bothered me to the point that I cried.... and just for those of you who don't know me very well... I try my hardest to avoid crying where others can see me...

My crying carried over to reality as I awoke with tears staining my face and pillow.

It's been over 8 years since I last woke up crying.

At home, when I woke up crying, my mother would have heard me already and she would be there for me to talk to about it and offer words of comfort.

Without her, I sat awake for an hour and a half, digging myself into deeper depression as I dwelled on my weight then moved to missing home. I had to go to the bathroom to cry myself out so as not to wake my roommate.

Finally around six thirty to six thirty-five, I was able to fall back asleep. A dreamless sleep that held me until I was forced to wake up for early (late) homework.

Gomen, I'm using this journal as a way to vent....

But isn't that what a journal is there for?

BAAAATTTT!!!!!

Thu, 11 Sep 2008 20:00:02 GMT

I am so feeling sorry for the bat that stuck in the basement of the college library...
It's flown over my head several times now and I've had this urge to reach out and catch it..

It's a fruit bat so if I caught it, I'd name it Jax ^_^

Though this bat isn't purple...

Poor thing... I would love to keep it as a pet, but I'm sure Michelle (onewhomust) would have a cow over having a bat in our dorm room....

Oh well.... I just hope he makes it out ok...

I'm still going to call him Jax.... (creepy facination)

Cliffhangers!!!

Tue, 09 Sep 2008 22:18:24 GMT

I've been reading A Balm for Social Failure and Brilliance Tarnished. I am beyond the point of patience as they are both really good and HAVE NOT BEEN UPDATED YET!!!

IT'S BEEN TOO LONG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I need fanfiction updates... I'm a person with no life and therefore need updates to claim substance!!!!

Leaving un-updated fics with cliffhangers MAKES IT WORSE!!!!

Fanfics are like crack to me... I'm going through withdrawl everyday they aren't updated and a cliffie is like dishing out an EXTRA strong dose.

It's sad to say that I lose sleep over shit like this, but it can't be helped.

This is who I am.

Love me.

Hate me.

UPDATE YOUR FUCKING FICS!!!